OWN THE KINGDOM WITHIN YOU

The Womb is the gateway where spirit meets matter. 

The valley spirit is not dead:

They say it is the mystic female.
Her gateway is, they further say,
The base of earth and heaven.

Constantly, and so forever,
Use her without labor.

There is a spirit that haunts the valleys that mystics know. It has the female characteristic of preferring to withdraw. It is like a gateway through which man attains heaven; and heaven reaches man when he is receptive to its nature and open to its influence.'' /Lao Tzu 'Way of LIfe'/

When the Man or Woman become aroused they are reaching, yearning to enter heaven. When a Man wants to place his body inside the body of a Woman he wants to enter the kingdom of heaven. The Woman holds the Womb, the kingdom of heaven literally in her body. Is this the only way the Man can access the kingdom of heaven, we may ask? No. If vigilantly practiced and shown to him, this kingdom can be found also within the Man himself. No Man lacks this kingdom within him, but many kingdoms lie dormant in a Man. The same way a Woman's own Womb can lie dormant. Even though she holds this kingdom very viscerally inside herself she can be disconnected to it. She can not know her Kingdom as it lies asleep. Therefore, often it is the act of Sex that awakens and connects the Woman to her kingdom and awakens the Man to his attainment of heaven. Many don't know another way but Sex to attain this heaven. So through the act of Sex we come into our bodies and take ownership of our kingdoms of heaven, we embody ourselves. Embodiment is the act of connecting up, the meeting place, the confluence of matter and spirit. We ground, we anchor the spirit into the cells of our bodies. 

''It is like a gateway through which man attains heaven; and heaven reaches man when he is receptive to its nature and open to its influence.''   

Heaven is attained only when the Man (meaning both woman and man) is receptive to the nature and influence of heaven's impact. If Man fears heaven's impact and is dictated by this fear, heaven cannot be reached nor can the benefits, wealth of such place or encounter be mined. No matter how close you get to heaven if fear keeps you from surrendering to it's influence you will have not received heaven's gifts. 

Heaven awaits us, but do we dare enter it? Are we ready to be influenced by it's nature? Or rather, do we dare to claim this heaven, this kingdom that lies within us?

And, do we appreciate, have we honored, paid our respects to those that have helped us connect with this kingdom within us?

Most importantly, we are the butlers of our own kingdoms as well as the Kings and Queens. Woman, connect to your Womb and kingdom, know it, feel it! Honor that which lies within you and be vigilant about whom you allow near and into your kingdom. Man, honor that which lies within you and do not use Woman as only source for that which you hold inside yourself. Instead, allow the woman to guide you back to yourself.

HUMAN, DON'T WASTE TIME

Human, I want to tell you this and please listen.
I have seen humans beat each other to blood
kick the life out of one another just because of their sexual orientation.
I have also seen loved ones lie to each other's faces
hide truths that would bring about freedom and growth.
I have also seen so much transformation and healing take place,
I cannot put into words how moved I am by some of the choices humans have taken, great, wise choices. Choices of emancipation!
Yet there is still so much pain, so much fear among us humans on this planet. So much suffering. Look around. But Human, there is a lot of joy to be had here on this planet! We must let go of this suffering. Each and every single one of us needs to let go of the burden of suffering, the damage needs to be healed.
Human, go out and speak your truth! Be who you are. Find out who you are and be it. Dig deep and mine gold! Stop playing small. Don't waste time on mediocre existence if you know you are here to do much greater things. Go and be great! Life is short. Stop letting your fears dictate your life. Stop pushing away people who you feel hurt by but who you want in your life. Tell the people you love you love them. Care for them. Look after their hearts and respect them. Look after yourself. Invest in yourself. Be your own priority, always. Acknowledge what you truly want and live it. Keep this clear knowing in your heart and this state of being will create the life you want. Do not waste time in escapism. Acknowledge those impulses but do not perpetuate them. Learn self-control but know when to give this control up and surrender. Express your emotions, express who you are. Do not suppress, oppress your feelings as that will make you sick. Cry. Be angry. Don't try and escape these feelings or get rid of them by taking control of others. Your body is yours and everything that you feel is your responsibility. Move your body. Live this life! BE HERE! Be awake and see what is presented, given to you in each moment! TAKE LIFE, but use it wisely, but take it. This moment, this experience, this information. Take it and decide what you wish to do with it. Your choice is your freedom. Life will let you waste it if you so desire, that is the nature of life. It will allow us to do what we wish with it, to even destroy it, to forget it, to ignore it or even deny it's presence. But one day it will let you know about it's existence and wake you up. And we all know those knocks are not usually pleasant. So Human, don't waste time. Wake up now!

CHILD, KNOW HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE!

I want to give children a chance to get that which I never got at school. This is a message to children, youth, parents, teachers, everyone who once went to a school.

When, teaching, I first meet a group of children & youth I want to begin by telling them this:

I love you. I love you all with no exception. You may not believe this as I don't even know you, but the truth is that I don't need to know you to love you. I believe each of you as an incredible and powerful human being and I really wish all the best for you in your life. I want you to grow up being a cool, honest, sincere happy human being. A human that loves themselves and feels safe in the world. I want to help you to become that. I care about you. Why do I care about you?  You and I are very alike, we all are in this life together, we all fear, we all hurt, we all get angry, we all feel the same joys. We all want to be loved and we all don't like being betrayed. I understand your struggles. I want to help you understand that confidence does not lie in how great you do in school, the brilliance of your grades will not guarantee you a good life. It's your attitude to yourself and your circumstances that governs the quality of your life. What you believe about yourself has much more power over you than any teacher, any grade, any success you may ever have. I want to help you find who you really are and I want to help you see that any ideas of what your parents think you are, what your teachers tell you about you or other children have told you about you are to some degree irrelevant. You need to look inside yourself and find out what is there. Each one of you is different and unique. Please don't compare yourselves to others. You are not supposed to be like those others, you have come here to be you! Don't be afraid to be who you are. Life has created you and life wants you, that is why you are here. 

When I was your age I was a very lonely kid, school life was overwhelming, I would get bullied, I was an uncool geek who earned her dose of love and attention by doing her homework thoroughly and studying hard. A teacher's pet. I had very few friends and when it came to navigating, figuring out how social dynamics work I was an alien. I was quite sure that I must have come from a different planet. Kids didn't want to play with me. Until this day I sometimes have a feeling of being unwanted, unneeded and not fun to play with. The reason why I'm sharing this is not to pity my case, no, I am mentioning this because I want you to know that that time of my life had a very strong impact on the rest of my life. What happens for you now, what you are doing now will have a strong impact on the rest of your lives. The things we do to others can really influence their lives. Because of that I want you to really think about how you treat each other. It's very easy to be unkind to each other. It's much easier to say all sorts of rude and horrible things to one another than to care for one another. My challenge for you is to ask you to really think about the motivation behind your actions. Are you motivated by the desire to hurt another because you yourself feel hurt or are you actually trying to help another? What is it that you are feeling and what is that you want? You need to understand this: each one of you is so immensely powerful. You have such a huge impact on each other. Understand this please because it is this understanding, the understanding of the power you hold inside of you, that will make you a strong human being. We have immense power and we have huge impact on this world and others. I want to help you see your power and I want to help you use that power wisely. You can create miracles but you can also create wars. So much lies in your hands. You may think you are powerless, small, unwanted, but actually you are powerful beyond measure and so needed in this world. 

Now that I have said that, let's have fun and put this stuff into practice and action! Let's see now how this stuff actually works in life. Learning should be fun. And if you guys are not having a good time I am probably not doing a good job, either that, or you really don't want to learn. Below is a video of some of the content of my work. I combine physical theatre, drama exercises, therapeutic processes, movement and fun. 

The VOID of avoidance

Hi Jamie and anyone else who is reading, 
this is a letter to Jamie, but it is also a letter to every man and woman who walks this human path - who loves, fears, sometimes dares and sometimes attempts to escape.

Jamie, since you and I parted I have been visiting the Void quite frequently. The Void is a place that is full of grief, sorrow, heartbreak and suffering. The Void is where death happens. The Void is where unborn children die, where people refuse to live and where destruction occurs. It's a dark place Jamie and usually dawns on me when the sun begins to set and it gets dark out there. It is then that my body begins to tremble. I know you know this place as you used to enter it quite frequently with your panic attacks. Well you see I have for the first time consciously decided to explore this VOID. It has been part of my life ever since I remember myself, it was there, but I never dared to fully go into it and explore what it is and why it is there? What is the true gift of the Void, what is it's message? Can I be with this Void or do I need to run away? If I make the choice of running away from it it would mean trying to escape myself and that has only ended up hurting myself and others in the past. 

I have been running from this void and used relationships, kept men near by as a hindrance to diving into this Void and healing. 

In the last few days I have noticed how thinking of you Jamie opens up my heart so wide. Immense love and affection is in there but also lots of pain. And I have wondered why the pain? why is it painful to think about this person? Is it because we have parted and I may never have a partnership with this man again, is it the loss of this I am grieving? But no, this does not feel like the pain of losing you. It feels much deeper. It feels like the pain of having abandoned a part of myself and looking for others to give that which I have not dared give myself. I wanted you to meet me, I wanted to dive into the Void together with you, I wanted you to hold my hand in there and feel what I feel. I wanted to merge. I was missing you. The truth is, I was missing myself. I begun feeling the void and each time I came closer to you, trying to get rescue, each time I got further away from the Void. It's as if as soon as i came closer to wanting your energy the Void would shut down remaining underneath the surface. This made me angry - that this would happen again and again around you. That the more I wanted to merge with you the further away I felt i got to you. I would come to you saying: 'I cannot feel you present.' And you would respond: 'that is your issue, it's your lack.' The more I came to you with this Void the more rejected I felt by you. I now realize that the essence of this Void is one of rejection, abandonment. And the perfection of this is that I needed to play out the rejection with you and you gave it to me again and again. I have felt so rejected by you. My child takes your 'No's' so personally. Each time i came to you with my wounded heart saying: 'I want more,' you would hear: 'I am not enough for her.' And so we danced the dance of rejection with one another. So painfully and yet so beautifully it all played out. 

Only now do I realize when i said yesterday: 'I choose you' what I meant was I choose myself. I choose to let go of this suffering and this constant escape of myself. I do not wish anymore to avoid this Void, this void of avoidance! I cannot anymore use you or anyone to push parts of myself away. I want to meet the totality of my soul, even the burdens that it is carrying. I want to meet it all. And at last I understand that the merging I was looking you to fill is a deep seated longing to return home to myself. I apologize for using you for this, for trying to get you to protect me from myself or comfort me as a hindrance. Now it's time to die to all that, I cannot any longer escape myself. it hurts too much. Don't wish to prolong the suffering. Time to let go of that.

To clarify, the Void is how I avoid being rejected by others. The void is how I am rejecting myself. The Void is a manifestation in the soul, like the black holes that are found in the universe this void is just like that, that is full of abandonment of the self, a deep deep longing to reunite with the totality of the self, that is the nature of this Void. 

Suddenly the Void has opened up into a beautiful infinite field in front of me. And there is sun pouring onto it! Oh the sun!

Love to you all! 

INTO THE DARK FORESTS

15 minutes ago we were laughing together, there was peace
Suddenly I approached a dark forest
So so dark the forest
I began to feel stuck
A numbness took over that was fueled with frustration and rage
I wanted to blame you for it and push you away
For that dark dark forest I felt
I wanted to shut you out of it
I wanted to escape

I was scared you might not want to go in there with me
With me into this dark dark forest of mine
So dark there
So sad

We were just eating our dinner at the restaurant and looking into each others eyes, there was ease, there was lots of light
A few minutes later, I approached the dark dark forest and you seemed now miles miles away
where are you?
Are you not here with me anymore?
I began to feel anger,
I wanted to kill
I wanted to escape this dark dark forest
I wanted to chop down all the trees.

Are you still here?

I have been running from my dark dark forests
And in times you've led me to them I have not been ready to go in.

Today it happened again
I touched upon the forests
A battle begun in me briefly
I could feel the adrenalin make it's way in.
This time I decided to let go of fighting and running away
I decided to honor this darkness of the forest;
So I said to you:  'I'm scared'
Scared that you may not want to go into my dark forests with me;
Something moved when I acknowledged that to you.
The adrenalin ceased.

By this point I was already entering in.
Soon enough I found myself lying in my dark forest in a field in the dark
A fetus I was
It was so so lonely
I cried and you held me
It felt like you were close by
For the next hour we walked deeper into this forest

I LET YOU ENTER MY FOREST
YOU LED ME DEEPER INTO THEM

We came upon so much of my pain
Such such young tension and grief frozen-up around the muscles of my heart
We shed such such darkness and pain
Whilst you stood right there with me

For the first time I let you inside my dark forests
For the first time I let myself go into my dark dark forests
For the first time I felt safe enough to let go of all protection and not avoid my dark dark forests.

I have been escaping these dark painful forests and this escapism has cost me dearly
No longer do I want to push you away and blame you for the darkness of my forests
Nor do I want to believe anymore that you are not equipped or have no desire to join me
On a walk into my dark dark forests.

It is time I respected these dark dark forests that live in me and visit them and lie in them.

This is a place where my healing takes place
My dark dark forests are where you and I learn to trust
In darkness
And dissolve all our pain.

This new upcoming time is a time of approaching these dark forests
And I wish you all luck with entering these forests and allowing others to be there with you, for you need support.

SEX WITHOUT MANIPULATION

What is sex really about for me?

When i was making love with my partner Jamie last night a powerful experience took place. Sex became about something different to me, about something much deeper. I realized how much in the past I've had/used sex to feel good. How sex has been a place/process where we do stuff in order to feel stuff - usually good stuff like pleasure. This is all great, but after at least 6 or 7 years of a quite active and great sex life I reached a point last night where merely having a good time was not enough. I dived into depths last night that revealed to me that actually sex is not so much about doing stuff, but about getting out of the way of doing! It's about giving space for the energy to do it's work, about letting the sexual river flow and open us up and heal us. This kind of approach to sex goes far beyond having a great time physically, this approach opens the soul to orgasm, not just the body. My heart opened up so deeply last night that it felt like I was fucking with generations of men and that I was many generations of women. Here in bed I was healing generations of pain between men and women. My heart was gently releasing such old tension and relaxing so deeply, and the pleasure was so so delicate, so powerful and so so deep. Ok, what does this actually mean in practice? What am I ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT? I am talking about dropping manipulation in sex. To me sex is not sex if there is manipulation. It's something else (and that i can talk about another time).

So what is sex really about for me now? Today it boils down to three main things for me:

1) SITTING IN THE FIRE OF OUR SEXUAL POWER: 

Pleasure arises from diving deeper into relaxation and contacting more of my own energy. SEX is actually the dance of sinking into the power of life's force through the contact to my own energy! It is feeling my own energy so intensely that turns me on and opens me up. Sex is like a permission slip to dive deeper into feeling my own energy and it's power more palpably. Relaxing into my depths and becoming comfortable with my power. So at this point for me sexuality is more and more being opened up by a deep state of relaxation, and the deeper, the more relaxed the deeper the pleasure. Instead of doing lots of stuff to feel stuff, it's actually become much more powerful to do less and be more present and give space to each others sexual energy to move and energise our bodies. Practically speaking, I want my sex-partner to be able to hold his sexual power, so when he is aroused I don't want him throwing himself on me. I prefer to feel how the sexuality builds in him and how present he is with surfing that wave without shutting down because of not quick enough sex. The man's ability to hold his own energy and enjoy his own energy without throwing it out, without escaping it by quickly needing to do stuff - to pleasure, to come himself, to space out and lose presence, etc - this ability for the man to be comfortable to 'sit in the fire' of the powerful energy arising in his body (and my body) is the main component for me to experiencing much much deeper sex. 

2) WOMAN, TAKE CHARGE!

So, when there is this comfort with the sexual energy and one can sit with the energy and let it build, there is space for me, woman, to take more charge. There's space for me to be more pro-active instead of always being the hunted animal which often puts the woman in a lazy, passive position. Last night I realised how often and how much of my sex-life I have gone along with the man's pace, the man's actions, and avoided dictating and guiding my own pace. What an empowerment to guide the man into me! To dictate how slowly or how fast, to show him how sensitive I am by bringing his energy into me, sinking him deeper into my energy so that he can really find out WHO I AM! I find there is always more depth once I allow space and give myself permission to say NO to anything that feels forced or pushed, out of tune with me. On the outside this kind of sex may seem like a less explosive/energised sex, as externally less is going on, yet inside our bodies SO MUCH MORE IS GOING ON. And, as this kind of sex is more relaxed and more physically (effort wise) subtle, I have found that sex tends to last much much longer. Going from 30min it will become 45min, an hour, multiple hours... deep, intense sex. This kind of sex becomes much more about unraveling the layers of bullshit that weigh us down physically and psychologically - shame, guilt, abuse, pain, the rage, the pressure - the sex goes so deep that all this has to begin unraveling and be released. That's why the bodies become more relaxed and less hung-up/in need to control. It's so pleasant and healing to have my partner relax so deeply and for this conditioning to fall away. Yes - this kind of approach to sex (life, actually!) can be full-on and intense and sometimes too much to stay with and it's easier often to cum than learn to relax the body and intensity, but I recommend you start getting to know your power deeply, forming a very deep relationship with yourself, as YOU is all you have. Once you are with YOU, the sex enters a much more powerful place.

3) LETTING GO OF MANIPULATION
So back to guiding the man into me; Once I, as woman, bring and guide the man into my TRUE energy, going at my pace, guiding him into my flow, once we meet there it may seem like WOW - I have never let a man in so deep! This requires a very conscious and present awareness - to connect and allow my true energy to flow and align with who I really am instead of who I have been or what I'm used to being. This may take some time. Trust may be needed and time as finding how your energy operates naturally without manipulating it is not always such an easy or immediate thing. This sexual reality is the dropping of manipulation. Instead it is the inhabiting of our power, permission to feel and relax into what we feel instead of escaping it and controlling it. Dropping of the need to alter what is true, deny what is true, hide what is true or avoid what is true.

Sex has become to me about the revealing and diving into my natural power. Sex is aligning myself to my true nature. 

 

Dissolving the shackles of money

Let's not use the system of money any longer to control and survive

Let's not rely on money any longer

Let's explore other forms of abundance

Let's

Believe that we can live in a world not only governed by money

Believe that we don't need to keep striving and fighting our way

to have bread and butter.

Believe in abundance not lack.

Enough is enough

Not a spoonful more

It is time

That we get our primary needs met without going against our nature

It is time we learn to know and respect what nature truly is -

the nature that our bodies are part of.

It is time that we start believing that who we truly are can be supported by the laws of of the earth.

Our fears of doom, pain and dying

can no longer dominate the earth

enough is enough

we cannot deny and escape feeling nature's vulnerability

we cannot escape it.

Keeping fears at bay by buying protection

Enough is enough

Our fears need to be faced

And we have to sit in the fire if we are to learn how to let go of such fear-driven self-abuse.

It is time to not settle for any form of domination, theft, abuse, deceit, control, manipulation.

Let's not manipulate much longer to stay in comfort.

Let's not use our judgments to control others much longer

getting our needs met by dis-empowering other human beings

enough of telling others how they should be

enough dictating demands

and using anger and aggression to threaten

enough is enough

it's time to sit in the fire

and face our discomfort and fears

it's time to heal the trauma of the effects of current and past power abuse

it is time 

to trust in abundance

not lack.

Raisa