INTO THE DARK FORESTS

15 minutes ago we were laughing together, there was peace
Suddenly I approached a dark forest
So so dark the forest
I began to feel stuck
A numbness took over that was fueled with frustration and rage
I wanted to blame you for it and push you away
For that dark dark forest I felt
I wanted to shut you out of it
I wanted to escape

I was scared you might not want to go in there with me
With me into this dark dark forest of mine
So dark there
So sad

We were just eating our dinner at the restaurant and looking into each others eyes, there was ease, there was lots of light
A few minutes later, I approached the dark dark forest and you seemed now miles miles away
where are you?
Are you not here with me anymore?
I began to feel anger,
I wanted to kill
I wanted to escape this dark dark forest
I wanted to chop down all the trees.

Are you still here?

I have been running from my dark dark forests
And in times you've led me to them I have not been ready to go in.

Today it happened again
I touched upon the forests
A battle begun in me briefly
I could feel the adrenalin make it's way in.
This time I decided to let go of fighting and running away
I decided to honor this darkness of the forest;
So I said to you:  'I'm scared'
Scared that you may not want to go into my dark forests with me;
Something moved when I acknowledged that to you.
The adrenalin ceased.

By this point I was already entering in.
Soon enough I found myself lying in my dark forest in a field in the dark
A fetus I was
It was so so lonely
I cried and you held me
It felt like you were close by
For the next hour we walked deeper into this forest

I LET YOU ENTER MY FOREST
YOU LED ME DEEPER INTO THEM

We came upon so much of my pain
Such such young tension and grief frozen-up around the muscles of my heart
We shed such such darkness and pain
Whilst you stood right there with me

For the first time I let you inside my dark forests
For the first time I let myself go into my dark dark forests
For the first time I felt safe enough to let go of all protection and not avoid my dark dark forests.

I have been escaping these dark painful forests and this escapism has cost me dearly
No longer do I want to push you away and blame you for the darkness of my forests
Nor do I want to believe anymore that you are not equipped or have no desire to join me
On a walk into my dark dark forests.

It is time I respected these dark dark forests that live in me and visit them and lie in them.

This is a place where my healing takes place
My dark dark forests are where you and I learn to trust
In darkness
And dissolve all our pain.

This new upcoming time is a time of approaching these dark forests
And I wish you all luck with entering these forests and allowing others to be there with you, for you need support.